Introducing: Miss Quotes

Editor’s note: Please note that some “content” might be offensive to younger readers. Read with discretion.

Hello, all!

I suppose that I should bestow some kind of introduction on you, let you all know who I am, and why it is that I have my very own Exhibit A in CONFRONT Magazine.

Well, I’m just thankful that this is the ONLY place where my name is attached to an Exhibit A.  I won’t even tell you about the last time that happened – but that’s only because THOSE records are sealed!

So I am Miss Quotes. And why do I have an Exhibit A? Well, I suppose it has to do with how fabulous I am, and how wildly popular I am in the music world. What? You’ve never heard of me? Well, that’s probably because I’m so huge that only huge people have even heard of me. I’m the celebrity’s celebrity so to speak.

But the life of a fabulous party girl can only take you so far in this world.  So, let me just tell you about how I got into journalism. After all, that IS why we’re here, isn’t it? So I can introduce myself?

Well, when I was a little girl, I saw the “Superman” movies, and watched Spunky Woman Reporter Lois Lane’s intrepid quest to nail her story (Her story being Superman of course). Lois Lane was the first positive female role model I ever had: she was a fiery, take-no-prisoners, intelligent lady journalist, and watching her I knew, right then and there, that when I grew up, I wanted to get all kinds of horizontal with a burly muscleman in red Speedos and blue pantyhose!

Flash-forward to now: it’s MY turn to be the Spunky Lady Reporter! And what am I reporting on? Well, this is a music magazine, isn’t it?

My first assignment was to use all my famous connections to go out and land the biggest, best, most wonderful interview EVER for the magazine. Was I up to the task? You better BELIEVE I was!  Of course, I got a little sidetracked.

You see, it wasn’t ENTIRELY my fault. After all, retaining my status as a fabulous celebrity ornament means there are parties to go to, after parties, after-after parties, and then breakfast-it IS the most important meal of the day-and then after a midmorning visit to the beauty salon and a quintuple martini lunch, well I don’t have to tell you that a girl REALLY does need to get her beauty sleep! It’s not MY FAULT I barely wake up in time to get up and go to the next shindig!

What a world, what a world. Of course my editor didn’t want to give me an extension on my deadline-what’s an extra six months? Too much to ask for, apparently! That left me faced with a NIGHTMARISH dilemma: how was I supposed to deliver a spectacular feature-length interview to the magazine?