The worst of 2008

SteveK’s favourite holiday tradition

Pruning 2008′s new releases list for this year’s “Worst Of” article was surprisingly more difficult than I thought having reviewed more new music than any year previous. Surprisingly, I liked most of what I listened to. There were a lot of disappointments, but honestly, I didn’t think I had come across that many albums that I actually disliked.

As much as the Jonas Brothers, Hate Eternal, Wolf Parate or British Sea Power really annoyed me, there were far worse offenders on the list.

Radiohead got a 4/10 back in January, because of the cynical marketing ploy they used to manipulate their fans into buying ‘In Rainbows’. That said, it is Radiohead and as much as they pissed me off, I still listen to ‘In Rainbows’.

So who does get the ignominious honour of being on my Worst of? I decided to focus on those records rated 5 and lower that I feel were absolute train wrecks.

5- The Hoa-Hoas: Sonic Bloom

This one rates so poorly because of the ridiculous amount of pretension poured into the work. This Stoner Rock group from Toronto have the licks to craft an original sound in the burnout genre, but instead of actually bothering to be original they come off as a bunch of sound-alikes playing tribute to Pink Floyd, Strawberry Alarm Clock, and other legends of the genre. And though it’s been three months, I’m still annoyed as all hell about the fake Manchester accent that the Hoa-Hoas insist on singing in; last time I checked, Southern Ontario was nowhere near the working-class neighbourhoods of North-western England.

The Hoa-Hoa’s: Sonic Bloom
Optical Sounds
Steve’s Rating: 5/10

4- Maroon 5: Call and Response

This pick is another one that just irked me, though not for the crime of being pretentious. Rather, it was the pointlessness of the CD that just really got on my nerves. Call and Response is an album of remixes of all the popular tracks from their previous two releases. Most of the time, a remix album brings out a new perspective on the music. At best, a remix album can really make you appreciate the work for whole new reasons. At worst, it just ends up producing “sss-boom-sss-boom-sss-boom” dance lounge tracks. And then there’s ‘Call and Response’, which manages to do neither. Many of the remixes are downright amateurish, and generally uninteresting. Taken as a whole, ‘Call and Response’ is utterly terrible, even by Maroon 5 standards.

Maroon 5: Call and Response
A&M
Steve’s Rating: 5/10

3- Madonna: Hard Candy

Madonna’s 11th studio album is my #3 worst CD of 2008, simply because the Material Girl, who made a name for herself with her daring, defiance and unflinching ability cause controversy and then milk it for all the publicity it was worth, simply did not deliver this time around.

Where she used to be a pioneer, blazing her own trail and reinventing pop music, Madonna now seems content to take the same highway as the rest of the musical commuters. Where Madonna once used to reinvent herself and her music from one album to the next, she now seems content with the same-old, same-old, making only the barest cosmetic changes.

She makes all the safe pop music choices, including collaborating on much of the album with Timbaland and Justin Timberlake, producing something that sounds like everything else that Timbaland and Timberlake lay hands on. This is a weak album from someone who used to be the epitome of strength and rebellion.

Madonna: Hard Candy
WEA
Steve’s Rating: 5/10

2- Blind Melon: For My Friends

There were a lot of really great music acts in the 1990s, during the much-missed Grunge era. The music was raw, original, and definitive of those years. There was also a poetic tragedy to Grunge music, given the number of famous artists who died, unable to cope with celebrity or its trappings.

Sadly, a lot of great acts have proven that it is better to die than fade away. One need only look at the failed come-backs of the likes of Smashing Pumpkins, Jane’s Addiction, The Breeders, and Blind Melon to see that.

Blind Melon disbanded in 1995, when it’s voice-and soul-, Shannon Hoon, died after years of drug abuse. This past year, with the aid of a sound-alike lead singer, Blind Melon came out with ‘For My Friends’. The album, released 12 years after their last, only succeeds in underscoring just how vital Shannon Hoon was to the success of the band. When he died, so did Blind Melon.

Blind Melon: For My Friends
Adrenaline Records
Steve’s Rating: 5/10

1- Guns N’ Roses: Chinese Democracy

Is there anyone who’s not surprised that my choice for the #1 worst album of 2008 is Guns N Roses’ ‘Chinese Democracy’? I mean, really?

This album has cost millions of dollars, and has been in and out of production almost as often as Axl Rose has walked off of a concert stage and started a riot.

Many die-hard fans had been waiting with baited breath for this one for upwards of fourteen years. No one really understood just how far Axl had fallen until this one started getting leaked online. Axl used to be able to deliver a shrill and powerful falsetto. Now his voice is weak and wavering, unable to sustain the sound that was his trademark.

So much of the album just sounds like a pathetic grab for long-gone glory: the lyrics are embarrassingly awful, the two “power ballad” tracks are pale imitations of the great “November Rain”, and the title track attempts to recapture the raging-guitar intro of “Welcome To The Jungle” with a minute-and-a-half lead-in that doesn’t so much build suspense as it does just get on the nerves.

All in all, ‘Chinese Democracy’ is the perfect example of all that was bad with 2008, a year of tired sequels: ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’, ‘Live Free or Die Hard’, ‘Rambo’, ‘Rocky XXVII’ and ‘Chinese Democracy’ shall reign in pathetic infamy.

Guns N Roses: Chinese Democracy
Geffen
Steve’s Rating: 5/10

If you’re curious, here’s the list of albums I started with. Perhaps you have your own opinions on which was the worst, which was undeservingly put on this list, and, hopefully, what you thought the best of 2008 was. Sign in to the CONFRONT Community, and let us know!

Steve’s full list:

Albums with a rating of 6:
Hate Eternal: Fury and Flames; British Sea Power: Do You Like Rock Music; Temposhark: The Invisible Line; The Breeders: Mountain Battles; Wolf Parade: At Mount Zoomer; Jonas Brothers: A Little Bit Longer; Mudvayne: The New Game

Albums rated 5 or lower:
Radiohead: In Rainbows; Magnetic Fields: Distortion; Blind Melon: For My Friends’ Madonna: Hard Candy; Alkaline Trio: Agony & Irony; Zebrahead: Phoenix; The Hoa-Hoas: Sonic Bloom; The Dears: Missiles; Beneath the Massacre: Dystopia; Guns N Roses: Chinese Democracy; Maroon 5: Call and Response; Bullet For My Valentine: Scream Aim Fire